Ooeeeeoooooeee

(A theremin plays in the background…)
There I was, innocently enjoying my cereal while watching TiVo. The dogs were peacefully napping by my side – with one eye open each to make sure no cereal escaped my bowl without notice.

Suddenly, the sound of a vacuum cleaner intruded into the scene…and just as quickly, stopped. I thought to myself, “Self, nobody else is home. Besides which, the vacuum cleaner is dusty from disuse and sitting in the closet right in this room. It must have been outside.”

Again, the noise. This time it did not stop. It was now obvious that the noise was coming from upstairs. The urge to throw a blanket over my head until it went away was quite strong, but instead I ran up the stairs with two dogs tearing after me, ready to come to my defense by licking any intruders to death.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, I realized that the noise was coming from the office! Visions of rogue computer fans spinning madly about the room after having burst out of their cases crossed my mind. What I actually saw, however, is not for the faint of heart. As I gingerly looked around the door frame I saw nothing amiss, except that the shredder was happily shredding nothing.

It was shredding the very air we breathe, the light streaming into the room, its own shredding sound… The off button did not work. Realizing that there were dark and mysterious forces at work here, I quickly reached back and yanked the plug. The sound stopped. The possessed shredder quieted; an eerie silence blanketed the house. Hands shaking, I slowly returned to my bowl of now soggy cereal, the dogs once more peacefully napping by my side.

It waits. Waits for some new unsuspecting soul to give it life again. It will then be able to shred the sign now hanging on it that only has three little words of warning: “Out of Order”.