Dear Carolyn,
I don’t know where the months go – I feel like I’m writing one of these letters to you every day. At the same time, as you’re getting older, not that much changes from month to month…
Sleep has been slightly better. I’m almost afraid to type that, but your bug phobia (which morphed briefly into a ghost phobia earlier this month) seems to be abating, and bedtime doesn’t involve quite so many bug (and ghost…and at one point ogre) checks.
I think part of your willingness to go to bed more easily has to do with your room. I finally got my act together and found you a real bookcase and – combined with a Rose Petal Cottage that Target had on sale after the holidays – I made you a little reading nook. Honestly, there have been several nights when I’ve gone in to check on you before I go to bed and you’re curled up in your cottage with the book you couldn’t quite finish before you passed out.
In the process of moving things around in your room, I wound up moving your old book and toy bin shelves into Anna’s room, along with several of the more baby appropriate toys…which didn’t go over as well as I’d hoped. Luckily, you decided that trashing Anna’s room with those toys is at least as much fun as trashing your own room with them! But it was a good reminder that even though you look and sound and act so grown up a lot of the time you’re really, truly, only four.
Sometimes I can actually see the conflict in your heart about growing up. You want to be so independent and do things all on your own – and you’re getting so good at doing things like getting dressed, getting your own glass of water, and pouring your own cereal – but in the next breath you want me to baby you and do everything for you. All I can say is that those conflicting feelings? I have them too. I love to watch you change and grow, but I will always miss the sleepy warm baby snuggled into my shoulder that I used to rock every night.
Love, Mommy