Carolyn

Dear Carolyn,

Today you are four years and two months old! It’s also your Grandma’s birthday, and Christmas Eve! You are so excited about Santa. I can hear you bouncing around upstairs, almost an hour after we put you to bed. But you have to realize one very important thing: Santa doesn’t come until everyone in the house is sleeping!

Sleep is one of those things that seem to be a struggle in every family with small children, and ours is no exception. Anna, for example, does not nap – even though she should. And you? You think you can manage with nine or ten hours of sleep in a night. Which is kind of like me managing on four or five hours of sleep. It can be done, but it doesn’t make for very pleasant days. The tough part is that instead of sleeping, you read. And I haven’t quite figured out on what planet a parent could possibly say “stop reading and go to bed!” Plus, since you’re related to me? It won’t work anyway. I used to sneak into my walk-in closet and turn on the light in there and read books until I fell asleep on a pile of clothes.

So our days have been kind of cranky lately – you’re cranky because you’re up late reading. I’m cranky because I’ve been up late knitting, wrapping, baking, cleaning and decorating. So it hasn’t been the calmest month we’ve ever had, and we have had more than a few meltdowns – both of us have. And Anna looks at us like we’re both nuts. (Which is probably true, but she’s related to us, so she’ll be a nut too, right?)

This month should be better. I promise to go bed at a reasonable hour each night so I can be a more pleasant mommy each day. And you’re going to go to bed earlier because tomorrow morning under the tree you will unwrap the gift of sleep: “The Sleep Fairy”, which is a guided relaxation CD for children. Here’s hoping it works, and that we can all sleep better for the new year!

Love, Mommy

Dear Carolyn,

Today I told you that I’ve been writing letters to you on my blog, for you to read when you’re older. I wanted to know if that was OK with you, or if you would want me to stop. Now I don’t expect that you know what exactly it means, that these letters are on my blog, but you did like the idea that I was writing them, so I’m going to keep writing to you for now.

This month has brought a whole new set of challenges. In some ways you are so very advanced: you’re reading chapter books on your own, you are a kind, compassionate, polite little girl, you are so smart it’s scary sometimes. None of that’s a bad thing – in fact, your Daddy and I are so incredibly proud of you.

But I think because of all that you’ve been exposed to ideas and concepts that you aren’t emotionally ready for. You’ve been worried a lot lately – about things like who you will marry when you’re older, other people (mostly kids) laughing at you for something you’ve done, worn or said, and even death…your own. It’s challenging to try to calm your fears while not giving you other things to worry about in their place. (Note to self: trying to explain heaven? Not so helpful.)

On a lighter note, you’ve overcome some pretty big challenges yourself this month. You had a little setback in remembering to use the potty when you needed to, but you got yourself back on track. You were also getting into the bad habit of chewing on your hair, but after realizing how hard it made it to get a brush through it, you made a conscious effort to stop doing it – as a semi-reformed nail biter I understand how hard it is to break habits like that!

And you really are such an extremely helpful, wonderful big sister. You heard Anna sneeze over the monitor one morning when you’d crawled into our bed sometime in the wee hours. I was not quite awake enough to get up, but you got out of bed, went into Anna’s room, and I heard you pull out a tissue and say “Here you go, baby!” – turns out you wiped your sister’s runny nose through the slats of the crib. Everyone keeps saying that things will change when Anna starts crawling and trying to play with your toys, but I really believe that if you’re pulling toys away from her it won’t be because you don’t want her to have them, but because you want to keep her safe.

And that brings us full circle… Carolyn, it’s my job to keep you safe, to worry about things so you don’t have to. I can’t pretend to know what your future holds, who you will marry – or if you even will. I can’t tell you that you won’t be laughed at. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that at some point in your life you will be. And no one knows how much time they have in life. The only thing that is certain is that we all die eventually – just hopefully not until we’ve lived full, rich lives. So, your job is to stop worrying, and instead enjoy every moment life has to offer you.

Love, Mommy